Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Match Story #3: Online Deal-breakers

So in addition to the chemistry factor and my increasingly cynical attitude towards this whole online dating thing, I also don't think I will meet someone on match because it is just so easy to nix people for big AND little things.  And apparently it goes both ways.  I've already come across a few guys who have said things at the end of their profile like, "If you're a drama queen, move on."  And "If your idea of a meal is Jenny Craig, then we're probably not a good match."  And then today, I came across a guy who listed not just one but TEN deal-breakers.  I am kind of tempted to copy and paste it, but I will loosely paraphrase instead...

"A few things....

1.  If you're on here just looking to get a free meal from as many dudes as humanly possible...don't e-mail me.
2. Shopaholics/high maintenance/"fashionistas"...go away.
3. I don't have Fbook, so please don't ask.
4. I don't like texting.
5. A sense of self-importance based on a perceived social-status won't get you anywhere with me.
6. If you date dudes that wear Ed Hardy or Affliction shirts: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
7. Have a job.
8. Please, please, please...have a brain.
9. If you're operating on 1 or more psychotropic drugs prescribed to you by a therapist for severe depression/ bipolar disorder and withhold this information until we actually meet....yeah.... I think you know where this is going...
10. If Daddy pays your rent so that you can live in a posh apartment in Manhattan, please never reproduce, and obviously, leave me alone."

The list was actually much longer - like a paragraph of description per deal-breaker.  I thought it was pretty funny, although I have no idea what an Affliction shirt is.

I revised my profile last week and I actually did consider posting a short list of deal-breakers too.  But then my guy friends told me that it would make me sound like a total Debbie Downer and that no one would ever want to date me.  So, I'm just going to post it here instead.

My online deal-breakers

1.   A shirtless picture
2.   A picture taken in a mirror with a cell phone
3.   A picture taken in a bathroom mirror with a cell phone
4.   A shirtless picture taken in a bathroom mirror with a cell phone
5.   Misuse of you/you're or their/they're/there; generally terrible grammar
6.   Use of the phrase "partner in crime"
7.   Living outside of the NY area
8.   Living on Staten Island
9.   Being divorced
10. Being 40 or older (and that is being generous)

Actually, it seems that this list isn't necessarily specific to online dating...hmmm.

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