Tuesday, April 6, 2010


I am totally 100% guilty of playing games right now.  With 'F', the boy I met at a bar and who inspired my Springtime Resolution.

Now, I'd say that generally, while I play the game, but I don't really play games.  The distinction?  Yes, I screen calls and I'll wait a few hours before responding to an email even if I read it 20 seconds after it popped into my inbox. But I don't do those somewhat mean little things that girls do to make boys wonder if the girl really likes him.  I try to be clear or at least consistent in my signals.  Well.  I suppose a few boys from my past might disagree with that last statement.  Whatever.  I'm working on it.

Although not right now, and definitely not with 'F'.  So the whole point of the Springtime Resolution was not to read too much into things and just kind of enjoy the ride, right?  Which worked out just fine until 'F' and I had plans last night and he cancelled on me.  At the last minute.  For no reason.  Now, I'm no stranger to cancellations, and well, frankly, it just kind of sucks.  Now, it was a Monday night, and it's not as though I had alternative plans.  But I was still annoyed.  And then I got annoyed that I was annoyed!  I mean, things were supposed to be carefree and easy with 'F'.  If I was trying not to really care about him, then why would I care that he cancelled?  The more I thought about it, the more I became enraged.  It was almost worse that I was trying to view things casually and he still managed to be the one calling the shots.  Which of course got me thinking that clearly this whole casual don't-think-about-it-too-much approach isn't much better than the is-this-my-future-husband approach.  It's the same game, just without the hope of marriage at the end of the tunnel to make the game worth it in the end.

Well, so much for my Springtime Resolution.  I guess I will just go back to trying to find a good ol' fashioned boyfriend.  Eventually.  Once this little game with 'F' ends.

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