Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Evidence, Part II

Okay, so my friend emailed me today to tell me that my last post was depressing even HER.  Oops.  I know the title says "sometimes depressing" and I guess so far, it's been more "mostly depressing" than anything else.  I think it's just a phase.  Or maybe it's just seasonal affective disorder.  Luckily, spring is around the corner and so is a potential date.  Today, I found myself rather prematurely wondering what I might end up writing about him - this kind of random, totally new guy who hasn't even earned a spot in the alphabet yet.  I'm not even going to go into how weird it is that I wasn't thinking about him but what I would write about him.  Truthfully, I don't foresee myself having a particularly strong reaction to him one way or another since I didn't when I first met him, but for the sake of argument, let's say I do.  Let's say I fall completely 100% head-over-heels, madly-in-love with him on our first (not-even-set-yet) date.  Will I still want write about him in an unfiltered way, knowing that if things turn out badly, those permanently inscribed words may haunt me (and depress others)?  I decided the answer is still yes.  Sure, things may turn out terribly and those words may evolve into painful evidence of yet another one of my failed relationships, but I am not going to let that concern stop me from memorializing how I feel because...you know what?  One of these days, I will write some sappy journal or blog entry about how much I like someone and that someone, whoever he is, will be thinking the same thing about me.  And when that day rolls around, my words will no longer be a sad reminder of how wrong I was, but of how right I was.  And then one of you lucky girls will have to go back through these entries or my emails to you, find those gag-inducing sentences and read them out loud at my wedding when you give the maid of honor toast.

And that is when writing it all down will have been totally worth it.

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