I've been acutely aware of this trait of mine for all these years and was reminded of it more recently on account of an impending visit from 'C'. I emailed him - breaking our almost two-year silence - and he emailed back to say he would be in New York in December.
His visit didn't come as much of a surprise to me but still, my reaction was rather mixed - a cocktail of hope, apprehension, excitement, doubt and confusion.
What I knew I needed to avoid though, was viewing his visit as something to look forward to. I hate the idea of spending the next month thinking about what, if anything, will happen when he visits. But more than that, I hate the idea of secretly wishing November was over and done with so December could be here already. Life is short enough as it is. I have actively tried not to become someone who lives from weekend to weekend or from vacation to vacation for precisely that reason. It's too easy to forget to enjoy the random pleasures of a weekday when you're counting down the days till Friday.
And so I am reminded yet again to enjoy what's going on around me, right now, at this very moment.