A few weeks ago, 'D' accidentally left his keys in my bag.
My first thought was, ugh what a pain. My second thought was, oh my god! What if he left his keys in my bag on PURPOSE so he'd have to arrange a one-on-one meeting so he could tell me what a mistake he made and how he wanted to try dating me again?!?!?! My third thought was, Jesus. You are one crazy, spazzy bitch.
In my defense, 'D' leaving his keys in my bag on purpose was not entirely out of the realm of possibility. Our first date was actually sort of the result of a similar absent-minded-professor moment on his part. He had "accidentally" left his ipod at my apartment, so he took me to a movie (worst type of first date ever) to repay me for taking care of his most prized possession.
Now, in all honesty, I thought there was a 1 in 99999999 chance that 'D' actually orchestrated the whole situation so we could have a heart-to-heart. Yet still, I, very briefly, considered what I would do if he wanted to date again (I didn't reach a conclusion). And, even though I didn't really think it would happen nor did I have any desire for it to happen, I still felt completely foolish that I had entertained the idea at all when 'D' didn't confess his desire to resurrect "us." This got me thinking about how often I get carried away and how often I end up feeling foolish. And I don't mean getting carried away in a post-first-date-oh-this-is-the-guy-I'm-going-to-marry-and-we'll-have-2-kids-and-a-golden-and-live-in-Connecticut kind of way. No, I mean in a much more quotidian sense. Like the time I bought a new outfit to wear on a date only to never take my coat off on the date. Or the time I didn't make plans one night just in case so-and-so wanted to do something only to end up at home alone watching reruns of Seinfeld. Or the time I bought a present for a boy I was dating only to have things end before I had a chance to give it to him.
Foolish, foolish and foolish. The worst part is that feeling foolish is almost totally preventable. If I hadn't bought that outfit or if I hadn't turned down plans or if I hadn't bought that present, I wouldn't have felt foolish at all. I didn't think there could be a worse feeling in the world than disappointment, but apparently there is. If high expectations result in disappointment, then getting carried away begets foolishness.